Катаджия спира шофьор и започва проверка: документи, аптечка, пожарогасител - всичко е наред. Резервна гума - наред. Светлини, спирачка, ръчна - изрядни. Накрая шофьорът не издържа и пита:
- Може ли вече да си тръгвам?
Катаджията отвърнал:
- А бе тръгвай си, като нямаш съвест...
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Катаджия спира шофьор:
- Какво става? Да не би тук левият завой да е забранен?
- Не, просто е платен.
- Еййй, имало живот и извън интернет!
- Вярно ли?!? Дай линк!
На смъртния одър на стария Джепето Карабас-Барабас го пита:
- Кажи ми твоята тайна преди да умреш, как успяваш да управляваш дървена кукла без конци?
Стария Джепето с последни сили:
- Уай-фай...
Google announces a new "Instant Search" facility on its site that brings up searches as you type. Thank God for that. I always thought that listing 18,300,000 results in 0.13 seconds just wasn't quick enough.
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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.
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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.
_________________________________________________[color=red]слети поредни публикации на: [time]1308314649[/time]_________________________________________________
A condom factory burns down in the States (the largest one). President Obama is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week."
Obama: "Oh ****! The economy will never be able to cope with all the unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico."
Telephone voice says, "Bad idea.... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about Canada?"
Obama: "Okay, I'll call Stephen Harper and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick. That way, they'll continue to respect us Americans".
Three days later, a delighted President Obama runs out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He finds five million condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches thick, just as
requested..... all coloured red and white with small writing on each one: 'MADE IN CANADA - SIZE MEDIUM'.
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.
"Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."
"Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam.
God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?"
"Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."
"Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam.
God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?"
"Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve."
"Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam.
God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.
A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
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A young boy was with his grandfather at the mall when they became separated. After looking everywhere the boy finally went to the nearest security officer and explained he had lost his grandfather. The officer asked:
"Well what's your grandfather like?"
The boy thought for a while and replied:
"Jack Daniels whiskey and women with big tits."
Събуждам се с варненски чайки, в бургаския ми хотел; закусвам карнобатска гроздова с македонско мезе; шефът ми - павликенец - ни отпуска "габровски" премии; а колежката ми от Хаскюю ми жужи на главата като русенски комар. А в края на деня жадувам за нещо ПЕРНИШКО!!!! Винкел!
О, Windows!
Три дена храбро инсталирах
Трих, слагах, регистрирах.
Не тръгваш и не тръгваш сам,
показваш само син екран.
Първо ми съсипваш FAT,
преминавам през Format,
но не стига таз беля,
нов дял трябва да ти заделя.
Хоп, пак не се получи
работата се закучи,
драйвер някакъв незнаен,
искаш в цикъл най-безкраен.
С Wizardа отново споря,
но не мога да го сборя.
Нямам Plug And Play модем,
разбери го бе кретен.
Изнервям се, та чак треперя,
CDто искам да намеря,
та да тръгнеш най подир,
а не под DOS да пиша Dir.
Уж тръгна, пуснах Service Pack,
Уффф, не ще те инсталирам пак.
Най-после посред нощ,
използвах софтуера лош.
На сутринта от шлаката изрових,
процесор спечен и пророних:
Да би си мирно седяло,
не би от setup умряло...
Млад физик с дебели "рогови" очила, работещ в БАН, се вози в градския транспорт и без да иска вижда на стената на автобуса три букви. Мисли и осмисля бавно: "Хикс… Игрек… И кратко… Нищо не разбирам, някаква хуйовина."
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, So I think we will name him...... Sum Ting Wong
Хан Кубрат събрал синовете си и казал
-Синове мои , събрах едни "съчки " тука , да Ви изпитам , но мина "Деян Икебаната" и ги взе.
Случка в Google тези дни:
- Господин Брин, бяхте помолили да купим Моторола. Купихме.
- Кой модел?
- Модел ли?!
Beer contains female hormones
Last month, QUT University and CSIRO scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women…
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour Period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
Между циганите и земеделците има общи неща. (Казано вчера от Цветелин Кънчев)
.....
Реколтата.
Умираща баба казва на внучката си:
"Искам да ти оставя моята ферма. Това включва вила, трактор и друго оборудване, чифлик и 22 398 750 долара в брой".
Внучката, виждайки себе си богата, казва:
"О, бабо! Tолкова си щедра! Аз дори не знаех, че си имала ферма. Къде е?"
С последния си дъх бабата прошепнала:
- Facebook ...
Мъж отсяда в хотел в Австралия. В стаята има компютър и той решава да изпрати електронно писмо на жена си. Обаче случайно обърква адреса и без да осъзнае грешката си изпраща писмото.
В същото време, някъде в Хюстън, вдовица се връща от погребението на съпруга си. Вдовицата решава да си провери електронната поща за писма от роднини и познати. След като прочита първото писмо, тя пада възнак в безсъзнание. Синът на вдовицата дотърчава в стаята, намира майка си на пода и хвърля поглед на екрана, на който пише :
До: Моята любяща съпруга
Тема: Пристигнах!
Дата: 7-ми септември, 2005г.
Знам, че ще се изненадаш да ме чуеш. И тук имат компютри вече, и можеш да изпратиш писма на своите любими. Току-що пристигнах и отседнах тук.
Виждам, че всичко е приготвено и за твоето пристигане утре. Нямам търпение да се видим! Надявам се твоето пътуване да е също безпроблемно, като моето.
Послепис: Адски е горещо тук долу!
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